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Communication and conflict

It's not just what you say, but how you wrap it that matters

It turns out that helping couples to communicate with one another is helpful training for helping business partners and team members to improve their communication with one another! If high-conflict couples can learn how to shift the way the speak and listen to one another, so can people who work together.

Why conversational capacity is so important

Being able to swim in a swimming pool might not mean that one can swim safely in the ocean during a hurricane. Skiing easily on an intermediate slope might not mean that one can ski easily (or safely) on an icy, advanced slope. Similarly, being able to have an easy conversation about what is going well might not mean that one can effectively or safely have a difficult conversation about what is going poorly or concerns about future plans.

How to Improve Communication - Did Your Partner Expect You to Feel What You Are Feeling?

Just as the message received by your partner may not be the message you thought you were communicating, the message you think you have received may not be the message your partner intended to communicate.

Your partner may say something that leaves you feeling:

  • Hurt
  • Embarrassed
  • Ashamed
  • Angry

Your brain may react almost instantaneously, so quickly that it seems obvious that your partner must have known you would react like this and that he or she must have intended you to feel this way. Sometimes, this may be accurate.

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